March 05, 2012
"Well, I'm not even sure who all reads my letters. I am going to
be pretty open and honest in this one so be prepared! It’s
pretty epic.

I pray you all are feeling happy today, and are super energized.
Last week was THEE hardest week of my whole mission. I can't
describe everything to you. It would take a long time, and you
would probably cry. It’s been really challenging serving in
Fallon, but the Lord has provided many ways for the missionary
work to improve here. Last week I feel like I was being tried the
MOST, and the very confusing thing was.... I wasn't feeling
Heavenly Father's Spirit. Here I was going through VERY intense
trial. I felt so weak, so tired, and I was just trying to push
through. I wrote in my journal on Friday that I felt I was
sitting in the bottom of an empty cellar, alone, and by myself.
I've never felt so distant from Heavenly Father. I couldn't
understand why he had forsaken me. One day I can share these
certain large trials with you, but for now, I want to focus on
the positive. 

Even though this was the most intense week of my mission, I came
through learning the very biggest life lesson I have learned.
Satan has been working so hard on me personally. He doesn't want
my mission to end strong. Finally there are missionaries in
Fallon who are extremely hard workers, and every challenge that
could be thrown at us, has been. Anyways, Saturday morning I just
went and laid on my bed at 10:15am. I was exhausted, but I still
didn't want to give up. I went in our closet and knelt down and
prayed.  I called upon the powers of heaven to be sent to help us
accomplish the work that must be done here in Fallon. In my
weakest moment, I still did not want to give up. Even though my
faith was absolutely being tested by God himself. I told him,
“I just want to serve Thee and love Thee Heavenly Father!”

That day I picked up and read during lunch, a book my dad sent me
called "Serve with Honor," by Randy L Bott. I came to a chapter
that changed my life, and I know it will change yours as well.
The heavens opened up for me personally at that time!

So now to the glorious part of what I have learned.... The
Chapter I read is called "2 Reasons why the Spirit Withdrawals."
It reads, "When the spirit withdrawals because of sin, it is like
a swift kick in the pants. When the spirit leaves because you are
being tested at a higher level, it is a pat on the back. This
congratulatory signal shows that your Heavenly Father is
confident that you are ready for the next level in your spiritual
Progression."

"When you master trials and lessons on one level, the Lord may
withdrawal to some degree the direction of his spirit, much as a
wise parent lets go of a child's hand when the child is wise
enough to cross the street without help. You wonder what is
wrong. But sensing that you weren't doing anything different than
you were an hour ago when you felt the spirit striving with you,
an appropriate response might be to humbly pray and thank your
Heavenly Father for having confidence in your ability to move to
a higher level of commitment and spirituality. Before long the
test is over and the spirit returns, carrying you to a higher
level."

In 2 Chronicles 32:31 it says "God left him, that he might try
him, that he might know all that was in his heart." then back to
the book, " We must learn to do whatever the lord requires of
us--even when we are not highly motivated by the spirit to do
it."

WOW! WOW! Wow! This is incredible!!!! Hasn't this already helped
YOU??

Back to the book, "Understanding the Lords process of perfecting
you will help you avoid condemning yourself when the spirit with
drawls."

Jiminy crickets! This is powerful. I totally understand why the
Lord seemed to have "left me" in my hour of desperate need. He
realllly did try me and push me. But he did it to see what Jenna
Sprouse was made of. He lovingly did this to help me! I feel so
honored. I have grown SOO much because of this. I have such a
closer understanding now to the Savior as well. I have a
connection with HIS moment of crying to the Father 'Where art
thou?' Christ felt alone and forsaken hanging on the Cross.

Sometimes we have to do extremely hard things. Because I have
made it through this past week, I know without a shadow of a
doubt the Lord IS always with me and LOVES me to death, even when
I think I am forsaken. I can't even explain how alone I felt. But
because I kept my head up strong, and because my dad sent me this
wonderful book, and because I have a Savior who suffered for me,
my faith has been fortified to withstand all the storms of this
life, to lead me to eternal life. Just think, if Christ had given
up his last week- there would have been NO suffering in the
garden of Gethsemane, NO Crucifixion and NO Resurrection...NO
eternal life.

I am thankful I get to share these things with you. I thought
after 3 months of serving "How can I learn even more?? How can my
faith be strengthened? I feel it is at its max!" -Even with that
faith I had, I feel it was a mustard seed compared to the giant
tree of Faith I have grown into.

So, for everyone reading this, Mormon or not, God loves us. I
know this will help everyone.

Brigham Young (LDS prophet) said "There is and it is simply
this--God never bestows upon His people, or upon and individual,
superior blessings without a severe trial to prove them, to prove
that individual, or the people, to see whether they will keep
their covenants with Him, and keep in remembrance what He has
shown them. Then the greater the vision, the greater display of
the power of the enemy."

We see this, as we are latter-day saints trying to perfect
ourselves. I'm sure the heat in the oven is most hot when the pot
is almost finished! God pours down trials upon us  (like the heat
in the oven) jusssst before we ding! And are finished! Just
before he takes us by the hand and lifts us higher and closer to
him. He lifts us closer to understanding His eternal view. We are
brought closer to his love. We are brought closer to him.

I can't imagine I'd learn anything if I always decided to give
up.

I am really grateful I had to endure this! Look at how much I
have learned! And that you may have learned!!

I feel like I could end here, but HERE ARE SOME STORIES.

So, Sister Spencer (my companion) and one of our recent converts
(she lives on base), THEY ARE TURNING ME INTO A WOMAN! Ahhh,
eeeek Noooo!!! haha I want to be a tom boy forever!!! They have
taken away my old spice, my skater backpack.....my guy watch....
arg...hahaha and we went through my closet. Granted missionaries
have NOOOO money, but we still went through and got rid of the
winter clothes. haha! I went shopping and Spencer helped me. I
got a pencil skirt, cute white church shoes, a new shirt, and a
new bra, and a new purse!!  ha! I feel like a woman! Finally! I
got to look good...my mom has had me on a detox program and I am
finally loosing the mission weight I put on!  I still am keeping
my knife though, and pocket mace. OH, and they gave me all new
make up and I learned what bronzer is, and I have to wear
lipstick crap. Oh dear. They say I have to learn how to woo a man
for after my mission. OH DEAR! Deer....That’s right I HUNT!
Boo-yah!

I can’t play with knives too now. At our dinner appointments
Spencer will take away my knife and say "no Sprousey, here is a
spoon.:" ha! We are best of friends!

I bore my testimony yesterday at church and like a thousand
people told me they like it! (Okay, haha well....not a thousand.)
Spency and I also taught the Relief society lesson and we had
those woman and grannies "role playing" with each other and we
had them become better missionaries! It was fun and great!

We also set 3 people with a baptism date this weekend! YAYYYYY
Finally after 3.5 months of hard core labor!! 2 of them we
didn’t even expect to, but the spirit told us to set them with
a date to work towards, and they are super exited. Its fun being
a sister missionary because everyone loves you! We have a new
ward now (we switched with our zone leaders), at first we were
like NOOOO but yesterday it was like we were famous!

I am terribly going to hate leaving Fallon. It’s where I have
grown the MOST. Hopefully, I can stay here until I die (mission
timing wise).

A woman got baptized last week in our new ward and that was super
exciting.

My mom will be scared at this fact, but I can’t help it.
Everywhere we go there are drugs! We visit this drug house and
that drug house, and see teenagers with babies ALL the time. More
middle schooler’s are pregnant here, then HIGH SCHOOLERS! I
wasn’t even kissing boys at age 14. It’s seriously sad
though. Saturday night we were with a 19 year old recent convert.
He was visiting friends in a major party pad, and we were out
talking with him and some of the boys. They are all teens or
early 20 year olds. They stood there with their skateboards
smoking and talking to us about their lives. (This was at
8pm...). Sister Spencer asked one of them "So how many children
to YOU have?" and the 17 year old boy said "5, and all with
different women." AHHHH what are we going to do here in Fallon??
This same young man also just tried committing suicide. He
doesn't even know who HIS father is...of course he is going to be
messing around. Morals are SOOOOO needed. Please do not judge
these people, they just weren't raised to have them...and these
problems are world wide of course.

Having friends who have lived on the streets and hearing their
stories have changed my life. Life is so tough. I've had my share
of knockouts and its good to be able to talk to these people.
Everyone has a hard life. Those who have grown up in Compton or
LA I think have had it worst the most.

I have soooooooo many stories to share, not enough time. All in
48 hours this weekend I went from feeling everything I mentioned
above, to last night, comforting a friend who was at his lowest
point in life. He grew up in Compton and was raised in crack
houses and saw his dad murder people. Hum, healthy! He asked me
to smell his breath last night to see if it smelt like
alcohol....He is just trying soo hard to do all that is right. He
had to crash last night. Another one of his family members died,
he has seen so many deaths. I smelt his breath in my face, and
yes, it did smell like alcohol and I told him. He started to
ball. He put his hands in his face and just wept. "How could I
have done this!”? His parents are still drug dealers... He
needs a new place to live.

My heart is so full. Of pain because of the pains of the world.
Of faith, because Christ has overcome all.

I love you and say these things in the name of Jesus Christ,
amen.”
Love!
Sister Jenna Julianne Sprouse!